


you won't get much closer, until you sacrifice it all

by petemikey



Series: starboy [2]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mental Hospital!AU, pls read the first one or it wont make sense, same tags as the other one tbh, tw mental health issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2014-11-15
Packaged: 2018-02-25 12:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2622359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petemikey/pseuds/petemikey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard fucking hates group therapy; no one else needs to know why he slashes his wrists.</p><p>The fact that Frank outed himself as a murderer makes him want to go even less.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you won't get much closer, until you sacrifice it all

**Author's Note:**

> wowie thanks for the comments on my previous fic!
> 
> this one is longer and (hopefully) better
> 
> (title from 'panic station' by muse)

In Gerard's opinion, group therapy is a load of bullshit. It's the same shit over and over again. Nothing has changed since the first session he was in; talking still doesn't help, he's still got bipolar, he still misses Mikey, and he still doesn't want to see his parents. He said the same shit in his first session, and he's still saying it now. According to his therapist 'Talking helps you to reach closure, as well as gaining empathy skills from hearing other people's stories.' He disagrees with the latter. He's not fucking empathetic. How is he meant to identify with murderers for god's sake.

 

Maybe it's just the fact he doesn't like talking about himself.

 

Frank's exempt from group therapy his first few days, lucky fuck. Apparently he needs more time to be prodded and examined because of the anorexia, and some mental examination for the schizo. Gerard's never met someone with schizophrenia let alone shared a room with one. Frank's got so many fucking pills, and he's regulated round the clock. It puts Gerard on edge. There's always someone hovering around him, because Frank seems to never leave his side. If Frank's there, there's a nurse there.

 

When Frank comes into group for the first time, everyone looks at Gerard. He's the only person the younger kid's talked to in his first few days at the institute, and he doesn't like all the eyes on him. There's quiet muttering, and then the nurse does the textbook 'this is Frank, say hi'. And then Frank introduces himself.

 

The first thing Gerard thinks is that Frank doesn't look like a murderer.

 

When Frank says he has anorexia, he gets pitied looks from everyone. When he says he has depression, he doesn't get much, because everyone at the goddamn place has depression. When he tells them he has schizophrenia, people start to look away. Schizophrenia isn't a common thing. There's one, maybe two other people there who hear voices.

 

It's when he says that he's a murderer that the scrape of chairs moving back can be heard, and people look at  _Gerard_ with pity, because he's sharing a room with him. Frank won't go to jail, because he's a minor with diagnosed mental problems. 

 

After the initial shock, Doctor Mendez asks Gerard about his week.

 

"How have you been, Gerard?" she asks, leaning over with her clipboard, writing notes whilst staring at him.

 

"Fine." he mumbles. He's not interested in talking to the rest of the group; he wants to talk to Frank.

 

"Nothing else to add?" she asks, quirking an eyebrow Gerard's way. He leans back into his chair, and he can see Frank staring at him through his peripheral vision.

 

"Nope." he says, and gets up out of his chair and leaves, slamming the door behind him. 

 

He's not angry or anything. He just doesn't want to be in that fucking room any longer. He can feel it in his bones that a mood change is coming along. In less than an hour he'll be drawing blood and guts and slashed up wrists; exactly what he wants to do to himself.

 

Of course he can't make himself bleed. He's in a mental hospital for the fucking insane, and his room mate  _murdered_ someone. Even if Gerard found a blade, there's no way he'd be able to get away with it. He remembers when he first joined and wishing everyday that he was dead, he was dragging pencils through his fucking skin wishing to see some blood. Wishing to see some sort of mark that proved to him that he was hurting himself.

 

He lays on his bed until dinner, and when he goes down Frank's there as usual with nurses hovering around him telling him to eat. 

 

"Hi." Frank says as Gerard slides down the bench and sits in front him him.

 

"Hey." he replies nonchalantly, pushing fries around his plate.

 

"I, you're probably like, scared of me after I said I murdered someone. It wasn't me, well, it  _was_ me but like-" 

 

"Frank, you don't need to explain. It's fine, have you not seen where we are? You see that guy over there? His name is Pete Wentz. Mass murderer. You're just a fucking teenager who killed someone cause your brain's different to other people." Gerard looks up at Frank, and wonders when he became so mature.

 

"I'm only fifteen you know." Frank tells him, finally finishing his food and taking a handful of pills under the guidance of some nurse.

 

"I'm sixteen. Got any siblings Starboy?" Gerard asks, and Frank shakes his head without looking up. Gerard notices that Frank's eyes look less tormented than they did a few days ago. Not happy, anything but fucking happy, but just less dead.

 

Frank shakes his head, his fringe moving slowly. Gerard decides to continue the conversation.

 

"I have a brother. His name is Mikey. I haven't seen him in like, a year though. I don't even know how long I've been in this place to be honest. He's pretty cool though. He likes The Smiths and shit," Frank looks up and grins at the mention of the band. "You like The Smiths?"

 

"Not really, but if you know who The Smiths are, then you'll know some of the bands I like." The two get up and slowly start walking back to their room. It's almost nine, and Gerard's starting to get tired. It's fucking exhausting having bipolar.

 

"Like?"

 

"Smashing Pumpkins, The Ramones, Black Flag, you know? My family never approved though. My dad called me a emo fag most of the time. Asshole. I'd kill for a smoke." Frank says thoughtfully, looking up at the now dark sky.

 

"Under-age smoking huh? Rebel." Gerard laughs at Frank as he kicks their door open.

 

"Everyone fucking smokes, Gerard." Frank scoffs, flopping onto his bed. This is the only time Gerard's had a room mate since he was admitted to the place, and it's not as bad as he thought it would be. 

 

Granted, Frank is a murderer (But Gerard still hasn't heard the full story.) but still, he's the most attractive guy around and Gerard isn't going to complain until, like, Frank's actually  _murdered_ him. By then Gerard wouldn't be physically capable to complain, but whatever.

 

"You're right though. I think that's what I miss the most about being in actual civilisation. You take smoking for granted you know?" It's like he can taste the smoke in his lungs, and soon he'll be craving it. (Craving it even more than he usually does but he usually overlooks that.)

 

He can hear Frank breathing, and the night nurse comes in and turns off the light.

 

"Night, Gerard." Frank whispers, pulling his covers over his chest.

 

"Goodnight Starboy." Gerard whispers.

 

-

 

Gerard's asleep.

 

Well he  _was_ asleep, but he can feel something warm sliding into his bed, and that warm thing is wrapping his hands around him, and is also crying.

 

A few moments later he realises that the warm thing is Frank, and  _Frank_  is crying into the small of his back with his arms wrapped around his waist.

 

"It was my mom, Gerard. I killed my fucking  _mom._ " he cries, and Gerard turns around and wraps his hands around his head and pulls him closer.

 

"It wasn't you, Frankie. You weren't the one who killed her. It was the voices that told you to, Frankie,  _it wasn't you._ " 

 

" _Gerard."_ he cries, and Gerard just pulls him closer, and holds him tighter, because Frank needs this, and maybe Gerard does too.

 

"It's gonna be fine Starboy. You'll be okay." 

 

There are two boys crying, but one day they'll be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> comment if you want idk


End file.
